Ambitions

In a conversation with my husband this weekend about ambitions, I realized there are many things that I would like to do, but don't do because there is always someone that does it better. But how can I expect to be good at anything if I don't try just because someone already does something really well.

This has always been a sort of subconscious reaction to things in my life. It partly come from a fear (there I said it, it's a fear) of having to work harder than before, of failing, of not being good at something, maybe even the best at something. I want to be perfect at things and when that can't be reached, I'm discouraged. But honestly, who reaches perfection in everything? Only the Savior.

In a recent address to the women of the church, President Uchtdorf reminded women of 5 things we shouldn't forget. (It's a beautiful talk...read it if you haven't already.) The first thing he tells us is to be patient with ourselves. This includes not comparing our weaknesses to other's strengths, being grateful for the successes you do have, and knowing that the process of perfection is long but is done one step at a time.

Sure there are always going to be better writers, better crafters, better runners, better whatevers; it doesn't have to be about being the best, simply about being and becoming. Sure there will be some stumbles and some discouragement, but that can be part of the process. It will take some changes to priorities and some better time management, but one step at a time, I can do it. So here is to trying new things and being a little more diligent about current ambitions. (I may even have a new list of things to do soon.)

Did you remember your inner tube?

What do you do when all evening activities are unexpectedly cancelled due to heavy rain storms and you’re home alone?

1. Video Chat with your sister who is only 5 miles away and look at all the roads that are closed due to flooding.

2. Catch up on blogs and think of new craft projects…like this one and this one and this one and oh, maybe this one. (There isn’t enough time in the day!)

3. Watch several episodes of Psych and laugh.

4. Take advantage of the flowing waters:

Spring!

These pictures are from my tiny little yard. We have about 2 square feet of earth in front of our house. This year we have a cardinal nest in our evergreen tree. I found it as I was hacking at it so that my new geraniums could be seen on our porch. I quickly stopped. They hatched in the last couple days.

iPhone Love

After much thought and deliberation, I bought an iPhone! I must admit my friend offered a little inspiration. I have to say I was instantly in love with it. After getting the phone basics and some music basics loaded, I explored the apps store. After getting some basics (read free apps) like LDS Tools and The Weather Channel, I decided to buy Hipstamatic. I loved it so much that I bought one of their add on packs. Here is a sample of my favorite shots so far…

Rocks, Pebbles, Sand

I recently heard a story about a professor that stood in front of his class with a jar. He filled the jar with small rocks until they reached the top. He asked if the jar was full. The class said yes. He then took out a container of pebbles and poured them into the jar. The tiny pebbles filled in spaces between the rocks. He asked the class if the jar was full. They hesitantly said maybe. The professor pulled out a container of sand and poured them into the jar. The sand filled in the rest of the spaces. The professor declared the jar full.

This can be taken as a lesson on priorities. But it came to me as a lesson on giving. Often I'm afraid of giving too much. (This seems like a silly thing to be afraid off as I write it.) But I worry about running out of energy, patience, time, or imagining some sense of hurt if the service is not well received.

I realized, while listening to the story and it's application, that I shouldn't be worried about these things, especially the last one as the Savior will cover all of them. As I give, relying on the Savior, these things will never run out and it doesn't matter how it is received. He will replenish these resources and allow me to give more. He will always bless us as we strive to serve the people around us.

This Easter Day, I am grateful for the Savior and the choice He made to lay down His life so that we can repent and return to live with Heavenly Father some day.

Discovering the Book of Mormon (Again)

Last month, Elder Bednar came to speak to the Young Single Adults in the region. He did a Q&A session that was amazing. In response to one question about ways to come to know the Savior, he said to get a new copy of the Book of Mormon and to highlight all references to the Savior.

I have attempted this in the past using various colors for different things about the Savior (characteristics, attributes, names, quotes), but I always got bogged down in remembering what color to use or some other detail that was distracting from actually comprehending what I was reading. But I wanted to try again.

I pulled an unmarked copy off my shelf (you can get one here) and pulled out my nifty multi-color marking pencil and started reading. This also somewhat coincided with my desire to get out of bed 20 minutes earlier each morning to do my scripture study before work. At first it was slow as I wondered "should I be highlighting this?" As I pressed forward, the highlighting became second nature.

I am amazed at how often the Savior is referred to. I always knew it was a lot (3925 references in 531 pages), but to actually highlight it and visualize it has had a huge impact. I have also discovered that reading with a purpose changes the way you see and understand the book. Verses that have always been there are read as if for the first time. It changes the way I understand and digest what I'm reading. This exercise has also renewed my passion to read the Book of Mormon. I'm excited to get up in the morning, getting ready as quickly as possible and even reading past the normal time I leave for work, just so I can read as long as possible.

The Book of Mormon has changed my life many times as I learn more about the Savior, his teachings, and the plan that can lead us back to our Father in Heaven. I can see it changing me now as I feel more constant assurance of His love and peace. I look forward to the changes that will come in the future as I continue to read with purpose and heed the teachings of the prophets in the Book of Mormon and the living prophet today.

Selfish

Confession: I check Google Reader about 3 times a day, sometimes more, sometimes less, and not usually on Sundays. I subscribe to a blog about the city I love, newsfeeds about my church, and a blog written by a woman I've never met who makes me laugh. But mostly I subscribe to my friend's blogs. I hungrily wait for them to post so that I can look at pictures of their children or of their latest vacation or read what their reading or feel like I know something about them when seperated by time and distance. I get lost in their worlds and in their words. I have amazing friends. I'm grateful they write.

I've found myself wondering lately, does this make me selfish? My friends share and I take, but I rarely share back, except for an occasional comment. Is this because I feel like I have nothing to share or that I don't make it a priority or that I'm not sure what to share? So here is to sharing a little more about me, the things that make me feel blessed and the little things that make my life complete.

Twinkle Lights

Last night, two of my roommates and I got out our Christmas decorations. We put up the tree (but did not decorate it - that'll wait for our 4th roommate to get back from vacation) and put out other things - my decorative tree collection, Ash's nutcrackers and Singing Santa, Gertrude's candles, grandma's German spinney thing.

When it was finished, I reflected on how much I love Christmas lights, especially white ones. The colored ones are great and fun, but the white lights remind me of stars and lead me to reflect on the night the Savior was born.

This morning I was listening to Elder Cook's talk called Let There Be Light! He talks about being a beacon to the world, following the light of Christ as we stand for what is good and right in the world. He sandwiches his talk by referencing a song that was popular during World War II about the lights being turned out in London so the German planes wouldn't have targets. At the end of his talk he says, "We look forward to that beautiful day when 'free hearts will sing when the lights go on all over the world.'" He's making reference to people standing up for morality, but thoughts from the night before came to my head. I thought of dark neighborhoods near where I live with Christmas Trees in front rooms, candles in the windows, twinkle lights on trees and bushes. I thought of the simple beauty this bring to these neighborhoods and the hope that comes from taking the time to notice it. How wonderful it is that we celebrate the birth of our Savior, the Light of the World, at the darkest time of year when these small lights have the greatest effect.

I'm grateful for this time to celebrate the birth of the Savior, to remember his life, and his ultimate sacrifice that we all might live with our Father in Heaven again.

Merry Christmas!

Gratitude List

Things I've been grateful for lately...

journals, sweet friends, little thoughts, cool fall days, service, scriptures, progress, kindness, gentle reminders, patience, answered prayers, reading, working, bike rides

Weaknesses Are Not Tragic

Anxiety has a loud voice and is sometimes painful. He talks to me frequently, drowning out all other thoughts and feelings, making it uncomfortable to live in my own body. I sometimes get to the point that I have anxiety about the anxiety (why won't it go away? why am I experiencing this right now? what is this about?).

Despite this, I am grateful for this weakness. I'm learning to embrace the low times as well as the high times. These are not things to hurry up and get through, but things to learn and grow from. Weaknesses are not tragic because we can change. The atonement of Jesus Christ makes these changes possible. The Savior can lend support and succor as we embrace these challenges because He has already experienced them.

I'm learning to live with anxiety, that anxiety doesn't have to have a reason, and learning what tools quiet the thoughts and feelings (taking my feet out of my shoes and rubbing them on the carpet, humming, running, gratitude).